LESSONS | What the Pandemic Pause Taught Me
When life as I knew it shut down on 14 March 2020, I was living in Oakville with the love of my life, my partner in all things. We had recently returned from a remarkable trip to Las Vegas where we learned a crazy amount that would benefit our fledgling media company and another trip to the Maritimes where we were thinking about resurrecting a junior hockey team. My kids were leading their own lives, Claire working at the Westin in Halifax, Cole finishing up his degree in English and Indigenous Studies at UofT, Chloé was studying toward her Masters in History at the University of Edinburgh, and Caden continued with his studies at UofT. All four were enthusiastically providing their opinions and ideas for my upcoming wedding - everything from outfits, guest list, venue, music, and flavour of the cake was decided - I had finally said yes. It was a wonderful, happy time.
Then the virus arrived changing all of our lives, forever.
LESSON ONE: The timeline for the virus will be determined by the virus, not by politicians, medical experts, or talking heads. No amount of complaining or preparing will bring things back to “normal”. And, to be honest, the old normal is not anything I want to return to, ever.
LESSON TWO: Wear a mask. Wear a mask. Wear a mask.
LESSON THREE: The best way to approach an unprecedented situation is with gratitude and an open heart. Everyone does the best they can - it may not be my best, but it is theirs. I tried very hard to not judge anyone for their decisions. That said, it proved to be an efficient and effective way to determine who will be a part of my life going forward.
LESSON FOUR: The pandemic is not a civil liberties issue, it is a community safety issue. In other words, this is not a ME issue, it’s a WE issue. The community should have been the priority of everyone, specifically politicians and the media. It was not and quickly became a complete debacle. I don’t know if any one country handled it right, but I do know that here, in Canada, in Ontario, it was botched from the start. What is the point in having warehouses full of supplies “in preparation for disaster” only to not use those supplies when the disaster arrived at our door?
LESSON FIVE: With varying degrees of success, pretty much everything can be done remotely: work, doctor’s appointments, banking, schooling, gym/studio classes, catching up with friends, and more. As a result, I hope there is more flexibility for everyone in the next normal.
LESSON SIX: Kudos to those who showed up every day. While I happily stayed put in my comfortable home, others went to work every day with many poorly compensated or vilified for their efforts. At every opportunity, I went out of my way to be kind and solicitous - after all, wasn’t it hard enough? There is no reason to take my frustration out on anyone who showed up!
LESSON SEVEN: People quit their jobs in record numbers for a variety of reasons. A number realized they weren’t being adequately compensated for their work and left for better opportunities. The strain on families with children staying at home while schools were closed forced many to decide that two working adults was not sustainable in the short term - or the long term. I don’t know what the shake-out will be but it’s my hope that employers will get their collective acts together and put people over profits. The sad reality is that women took the brunt of the caretaking role and I believe many of the advancements women had made in the workforce may be lost forever.
LESSON EIGHT: My coping strategies include meditation, reading, binge-watching, writing, reformer Pilates, photography, list-making, cooking, letter writing (really, with stamps!), bookmaking, taking online courses. I’m naturally an introvert so this time played to my strengths. Though, I am looking forward to travelling on a regular basis again. It’s nice to know that I can still do the hard things - I just wish I didn’t have to, resilience is not a trophy anyone wants.
LESSON NINE: Outsourcing an entire economy or sector is never a good idea. My country is rich in many ways and sometimes still stuck in its colonial thinking that all we have to offer the world is natural resources. The reality is we have much more. What we didn’t have - and to my knowledge, still don’t - a facility where we can manufacture our own vaccines.
LESSON TEN: Life still goes on. I managed to get a lot done in spite of the restrictions - which I followed. Sometimes I even imposed my own to meet my own comfort level. (Just because the (proven incompetent) government says you can who says it’s a good idea?)
As countries shut down, all of my kids moved home which was actually quite lovely. They all really got to know Bill as he commanded all of the happenings in our home as he rested on the couch in our open family room/kitchen space. No matter what time of day - or night - I could walk into the room and he’d be talking to my kids, in a group or individually, about any topic you could imagine. When Bill passed away in August 2020 all of my children considered him to be the dad they never had. It was a sad time. Sadder still was the fact that none of our total of eight kids was able to say goodbye in person as the hospital restrictions, especially in the ICU, were strict (as they should have been). I am grateful that for his last few hours I was joined by his sister, Ingrid, who listened with me to all of the goodbye messages left for him by our collection of kids.
Here we are, two years later and I find myself in a new time and space.
I’m currently enjoying the beauty of Grace Bay in Turks & Caicos. I can almost convince myself that the pandemic was a bad dream. Thinking back, I managed to survive, and even thrive:
As I promised, my love was cremated and his ashes (intact) will be brought home to the Bellisle Bay in New Brunswick as soon as it’s safe to do so. The grief was overwhelming and while I’m still wrecked over his loss, it is far less acute. The fact is, the grief is the same, my capacity to deal with it has improved. I miss him every day.
Even though no country really knew what they were doing, Chloé went back to Edinburgh to complete her dissertation which actually earned her the highest mark she had ever received in her four years of study! Out with a bang. Upon her return, she moved to Waterloo to take a Master’s in International Affairs at the Balsillie School (part of Laurier/Waterloo). She also got Hank, a miniature poodle, a much-loved posthumus graduation gift from her beloved step-dad.
I sold my house, leaving my hometown of 20+ years and bought a new home 3-hours away in Southampton, steps away from Lake Huron. Packing and moving was a bear of a project with garages filled and the rest put in storage. I’m glad I excel at logistics! Renovations started in early January and Cole was put in charge as he got a job working for Bruce County. It was 85% renovated (inside) before I moved up in July. There’s still plenty to do!
Later in January, Caden was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin Lymphoma (he named it Nelson). We didn’t know what to expect while he was an outpatient at the Princess Margaret Hospital so between February and July we lived together (with the dogs) in the “tin can”. One thing for sure, the dogs are much happier to be closer to the ground floor! (The lymphoma remains, but is more manageable.) #FuckNelson
The vaccines arrived! April, June and December. Exhale. I got a flu shot, too, just for good measure.
I finally went through the testing process and was diagnosed with very mild sleep apnea.
Over the summer, when restrictions were loosened, though still unpredictable, our family efficiency expert, Claire, helped (immensely) and we filled up 3 dumpster loads of things that simply won’t fit in the new space. Moving from 6,000 square feet to under 3,000 is quite an adjustment! Now everything has a place, and if it doesn’t it doesn’t come in the house.
I switched my website over from GoDaddy to Squarespace but decided not to migrate the 5+ years of posts. The process was unappealing as it was complicated and cumbersome, I decided it was unnecessary as I don’t often reference my previous posts. Instead I had all of the content loaded into blook.up and ended up with seven (!) beautifully bound volumes.
After many delays, I finally had my gall bladder removed and a hernia fixed. It was awful being back at the same hospital where I said goodbye to Bill, but the procedure could no longer be avoided. The result? No more pain and the big bonus is that I’m no longer afraid of food. Another result a couple of months later? Three polyps removed, all benign.
At the first opportunity, I kept another promise and headed to Newfoundland for a thoroughly unexpected yet profoundly spiritual experience. Mask mandates were re-imposed while I was there. It was a very small window of opportunity! I am beyond happy I went.
After many tests and biopsies - the process started in the summer of 2019 - the results are in and there is no need for a hysterectomy. For now.
Not many bands would get me into an arena, no matter how many masks and boosters are available. Genesis did. It was fantastic.
Almost a year after its arrival, the reformer Pilates machine was put together and now I meet with Jackie on Zoom twice a week. It feels so good to be in a routine! Mondays/Thursdays I pick up groceries and the mail, Tuesdays/Fridays I meet with Jackie, Wednesdays I go to my RMT and chiropractor. I’m moving more and getting out as much as I can.
Omicron arrived and I immediately cancelled our much-anticipated (and needed) winter holiday in Jamaica. Good thing, too. Both Claire and Caden caught the variant a couple of days before our scheduled departure. We celebrated our first holiday in Southampton with Cole, Chloé, Ethan, Hank, Tucker and Finn then did it all again a couple of weeks later with Claire and Caden.
I chose my word “more” to guide me through 2022. Now, by way of Marie Forleo’s Time Genius course, I’m focusing on my health - nothing else is as important.
I’d say, in terms of high- and low-lights, this is not dissimilar in scope from previous years. A lot managed to get done.
Many of my behaviours have changed in my effort to not catch any variant (I’m moderately high risk as I’m immunocompromised (asthma and thyroid disease), physically feeling old as dirt, and far too heavy for my own good.) I’d like to be able to look back at this time, the pandemic pause, knowing I did the best I could, and ideally never catch anything! At the start, I thought I’d write my great Canadian novel (after all, Shakespeare wrote King Lear during the Black Plague - ha! I am NO Shakespeare). Then life (and death) got in the way. As much as I am suffering from pandemic fatigue, I’m doing my best not to berate myself for all of the things I didn’t accomplish and focus on the things I did successfully complete.
What are your take-aways from this weird suspension of time?