INSPIRATION | Relationship Vision Board

Over the summer, I was able to join a group of strong and supportive women to take a deep dive into how we show up in our relationships and what we actually want - down deep, no outside expectations or influence. Now, to be completely honest, had I read everything and known it was about relationship building, I’d have likely not signed up. I was just so giddy excited about being back with so many women I love and admire that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to be back in an actively safe and welcoming community.

Why wouldn’t I have signed up? Well, the universe saw fit to allow me to have the only relationship I’d ever wanted - ever. Wasn’t that enough?

Not by a long shot.

I loved Bill with all I had in me. I still do. The difference is, I’m still living here on this plane of existence, and he’s causing good trouble wherever he is. Someday we’ll be together again, but I don’t think that will be for a while. Certainly not if I have any say in the matter.

There were some tremendous shifts in how I see myself and how I see myself as I show up in the world, my community, my family, my friends, my hobbies, my beliefs, my possible future partnerships, my practices, my dreams and my desires. My relationship with the dreaded limiting beliefs! Over the 10 weeks of the workshop, much deep exploration was experienced, so much vulnerability shared, and so many tears shed.

I’m exhausted and exhilarated.

All I know is that going forward, I’m not the same woman I was in May, and for that small fact, I am tremendously grateful.

The final “assignment” was to do something creative to represent what I want in relationships. What is my vision for my present and future relationships?

This “board” came from a list compiled at the end of the weekly exercises and conversations that helped me hone in on all that I want (and don’t want) in all of my relationships. I focus on the positive as I don’t want to dwell in negative energy:

Mutual trust, respect, tolerance, kindness, support, loyalty, and understanding.

Share my burning curiosity, optimism, and zest for life.

Be open and accepting, learning about the things that might initially scare or intimidate you. Push yourself to be a better version of yourself. Embrace empathy and compassion.

Seek joy as a fundamental, foundational emotion to feel every day.

Self-awareness and the ability to talk about real issues - small talk, insipid opinions, and vapid celebrity culture are all offensive.

I want to surround myself with givers, people and projects filled with truth, generosity, and integrity.

The focus of a “romantic” relationship is that above everything else on this list (no small ask), he needs to be exceptionally smart, quick-witted, patient, and kind.

I was reminded in one of the calls to always have “good health” on my list. My time as a caregiver was precious, nothing from which I’d have ever run away. I cared willingly, with great compassion and love. It is not something I’m looking to repeat - and something I hope not to burden my children with as I get older.

Will I find this in all of my relationships? In all of the healthy ones - yes. Lucky for me, I’m happy to have a small handful of friends. Now that I’ve done the work and drilled down to those characteristics I know are fundamental to my living a happy life with safe relationships, I know what I’m looking for in friendships, family, projects and opportunities.

(We all inherit relationships. I have become expert-level at holding firm to my boundaries. Those boundaries are regularly tested, and over time I’ve become less and less anxious as I’ve learned that those people mean less and less to me and their impact and influence on my life. Self-respect for the win!)

My takeaways from the workshop:

The most important relationship I have in this lifetime is the one I have with myself.

I don’t want to make myself small anymore. I want to physically take up space without apology. I want to mentally take up space without apology.

I want to forget all of the dates and sad anniversaries. I am going to live in the present.

I am the person I want to attract (as a friend, family member, lover).

I am making every effort to be comfortable in my own skin, no matter what size it is.

‘What is meant for me will find me’ is a big concept I believe, repeat regularly, and that is reinforced daily.

It was reinforced that in all things, I am to focus on how I want to feel. And then feel those feelings. Whatever I want will manifest in physical form, but I am to focus on the feelings and release any attachment to form. (The easiest explanation: no, I can’t order up a big, tall, swarthy, age-appropriate, smart and kind lover who looks just like The Rock and all of the personality traits I believe he possesses. The Universe could see fit to send me the answer to all I want to feel in the form of a short, fair, too young/old, (still) smart and kind, man who looks like Elijah Wood. I can ONLY focus on how I want my lover to make me feel and forget about the rest.)

This was a hugely meaningful and effective preparation for the 7-month Mastermind program that’s coming up in October. All good things are coming!

(My overarching Vision Board for 2022, my One Year, can be found here: click.)