BESTSELF™ ICEBREAKER | Self-Awareness 20
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'LL REGRET NOT DOING WHEN YOU'RE ON YOUR DEATHBED?
I’ve had ridiculous thoughts about convincing my parents to leave me with my grandparents when I was four and they left for Boston. How different would my life have been then? Or pursuing my dream (and talent) to be a professional tennis player? Or attending school for journalism? Or refusing the external force to have an abortion? Or the pressure to get married when it was the absolute last thing I ever wanted to do? Or being manipulated to move to Ontario when my job paid for a good life? Or leaving Oakville when I first realized it wasn’t a good fit for my children? Or finding Bill earlier? Or travelling more? So many opportunities to take the route not taken!
I am going to regret not taking care of my health.
In the late 1990’s, I allowed my doctor to not test me for thyroid disease “because it’s a waste and a drain on the system - just eat less and walk more” only to find out I had severe Hashimoto’s disease which dramatically affected all areas of my life: exhaustion, mental fogginess, depression, weight gain, and an inability to regulate my internal temperature, not to mention the fistfuls of hair I was losing every shower. His dismissive attitude cost me more than a decade of self-recrimination and pain.
My not trusting myself or what I knew to be true, my conditioning to be polite and not challenge the experts, cost me my health.
THAT I will regret.
That and the time spent with my health spiralling out of control while I was trying to get healthier. My body seemed to sabotage me at every effort to move more. Not with simple pain that could be handled with a regular strength Tylenol, but frozen shoulder, plantar fasciitis, hip and knee pain, truly excruciating pain that prevented, for months at a time, moving through my life.
All I can do is what I can to NOT have that regret.
Starting now, in spite of excruciating elbow and shoulder pain, I’m doing all I can to move more. I’m keeping my goal simple: get off the floor in a dignified manner. All of my therapists are on the same page - keep it simple and doable! I don’t need my elbow or shoulder to walk (though I feel guilty not bringing the dogs), or bounce on the rebounder, or simple lower-body exercises like multiple flights of stairs every day.
I’m going to do what I can rather than wait until I’m 100% well to start. I’ve learned from years of example that I’m not going to feel 100% again - ever.