BESTSELF™ ICEBREAKER | Courage 20
WHERE IN YOUR LIFE COULD COURAGE CREATE CLOSURE?
The last decade or more, whether conscious or not, has been dedicated to closure: divorce, death, departure. It’s clear to me that in this chapter of NOW, I will require much courage, though I don’t know that I believe in the concept of closure. I believe in endings. I believe in universal energy. I believe in resolution. I believe in forgiveness. I believe in planes of existence. I don’t know that I believe in closure. I believe all elements of life - and the trauma that comes with it - stay with you. Closure does not exist if you’re willing to take the lessons with you into the future.
I helped my children through the reality that their father was not coming back or contributing to their lives in any meaningful way. On the rare occasion he’s appeared, he was inconsistent and needy. There is no closure from that. What is available are tools and therapy to help you cope. Bottom line, he projected his issues, and his children have to deal with his inability to be a responsible adult. I’m proud of their collective courage to move on and not have his neglect colour their view of the world. It takes courage to face the reality of the situation, and instead of blaming it and the effects it has on your life, changing how you view it, making it fuel for improvement.
The love of my life, the man I had dreamt about since meeting him at university, to the time he died in my arms in the ICU was a test in courage. Could I show up for him unconditionally, strip myself bare and allow him to see me as myself? That was the kind of courage we had for each other. We saw and accepted each other without judgment or expectation. I don’t think I could have accepted his death if we hadn’t experienced such a raw and primal relationship. We made each other better. My grief was overwhelming, but I managed to overcome it and show up for my life better for having him in it. I had to find the courage to live for both of us.
My current chapter has me settled into a lovely life. It took courage to get here - I said goodbye to a home I loved, the one in which I lived the longest in my life. I moved away from friends, routines, and venues I greatly enjoyed because it was no longer a place where I was thriving. Not only that, but I’ve decided to embrace a “spark joy” approach to every aspect of my life and rid myself of anything, anyone, or anywhere that does not contribute to happiness in my life. Plenty of courage has been required, but so far, it has greatly added to peace, calm, and enjoyment of my every day. There is a new lightness, confidence, and acceptance that has me living in an extended exhale.
What is meant for me will find me - in its own time. All that’s needed from me is preparation.
I expect that there will be some big events coming up: my kids are at the age where they’ve all graduated with at least one degree; they’re starting lives and choosing partners, no doubt careers, moves, homes, and children will appear within the next decade or so. All of this will be joyful and require great courage. I’ll be happy to witness and support, as that is all that will be required of me.
There is no closure. There is reality. Life.
I’m living it to its fullest, taking all of the good and bad lessons and applying them every day.