BESTSELF™ ICEBREAKER | Beliefs 20

WHAT WIDELY ACCEPTED BELIEF NEEDS TO BE DEAD AND BURIED?

One that has stuck with me for a number of years: you can only be considered successful if you have obtained a college or university degree - and, even better, a masters degree or higher from a prestigious school.

I think it stops people from meeting their potential for a variety of reasons: 

Poor self-image, not meeting societal expectations. I don’t think you can be successful unless the motivation for that success comes directly from you - nothing external, pressure-filled or positive encouragement can come from outside yourself. Success lies within you since you’re the one who holds the measuring stick.

Not all of us are wired for theoretical thoughts; some are more practical and hands-on, appreciating tangible results. I also found University to be more opinion based when it came to assignments and marks than actually fact-based (I was an Arts student). It’s like judging figure skating or gymnastics as opposed to a race or tennis match. Too much ambiguity and power held by those who know how to play the game - and move the goalposts at will.

This is personal because I managed to go from high school valedictorian to university dropout in a couple of years. The anxiety created by other people’s expectations was too much for me. I don’t learn well in a classroom setting, and exams are not a test of knowledge. I was considered a disappointment and a failure because I could not conform to society’s definition of intelligence.

For years I felt “less than” because I was made to feel that way by the adults around me, which over time, translated to my embarrassment around peers. If I weren’t considered by others a colossal disappointment, I’d have been perfectly content with my life and how I’d managed to survive and even thrive under difficult circumstances. Instead, I kept thinking I’d have been so much better off with a stinking piece of paper that “proved” to everyone who didn’t matter that I was smart - and worthy. My failure informed how I showed up in the world for a long time.

All of my kids know of my struggle. They also know that whether or not they get their first or tenth degree, is not evidence of their worthiness. It is a testament to their ability to conform and do the work required, on time, and in a manner expected. There is no free will or imagination; produce what is required and move on to the next assignment. No creativity is expected or required, indeed, it may be considered a challenge to the professor’s authority so you might want to reconsider before pushing with a new and differing view.

With age and earned confidence, I learned that I have less belief that a random piece of paper makes you anything special or important and more belief that character counts for everything.