ANTICIPATION | Autumn

Whew, it’s been more than a few beats since I’ve written anything here at my home on the www.

I’ve been present on Facebook and Instagram, but even at that, not much has been keeping me accountable for my personal goals and growth. That’s how I’ve always looked at my writing on this blog. I share a few personal things for a couple of reasons: to confirm that we are not in this business of showing up alone, and it’s a reminder that I’m a fully functioning and broken member of the human race. I have missed sharing my vulnerable stories, hopes and disappointments. I’m doing my best to make the most of what life serves me.

We’re past mid-way through Autumn! Not much left to anticipate.

Instead, here’s a bit of a catch up, since Spring!

My second Saturn Return which started on March 8th held many supportive lessons, and the growth I’ve experienced in the 9-months of it has been astonishing. The theme? Free to be me. (I have Marlo Thomas in my head.) | Spring started with me in Turks & Caicos with Claire. | The exterior and interior renovations got underway, and it confirmed that I do not thrive in chaos - neither do the dogs. It’ll all get done, in time. And, I’ll get used to writing heart-stoppingly large cheques. | I went to MedCan for my Annual Health Assessment and it turns out my thyroid is behaving well with the current medications - the reason I was feeling like shit was because my B12 levels were “dangerously low” leading to brain fog and lethargy. I’m only feeling more energetic now, after months of shots. | I bought a Sensate, which calms your nervous system and it has brought my daily meditation to a whole new level. | Lots of reading for book clubs. | Happy to know I’m now 100% post-menopause, and it’s liberating. | Monthly “Ladies Dinner Out” continues at various local restaurants - we hit a few absences in the summer, but for the most part, we’re consistent. | Charleston is by far and away my most favourite U.S. city. | My kids were all home for Mother’s Day! Cole made a surprise trip from Calgary. It was so nice to finally have it be a day about me. | I raised my hand to take over producing the monthly newsletter for our local CFUW group - and I joined a second book club. | Chloé and I had a blast at a “The Greatest Showman” dinner with friends. | Botox! Therapeutic use only - please. In my jaw, I need to stop grinding my teeth. | Summer was my first experience with “slow living,” and I have to say, I’m here for it! | The Seth Rogan tub arrived, and it’s beautiful. | Emergency trip to Calgary to care for Cole, who broke both arms. Stayed for two weeks. I’m so grateful for my supportive community and kids. | Redecorated and made Cole’s home feel like home, not a bachelor pad. Also, got him set up with a new wardrobe - and encouraged the purchase of a new car, an automatic. The gear shift in the Jeep will be a challenge. | I returned home to an abundance of peonies in my garden. Oh my heart, they bring such joy. | Caden graduated from UofT with his Bachelor's degree in Philosophy. | My Muskoka research trip was a flop with so much smoke and then rain, everyone was in their rooms. No chance to get anything juicy for my novel. BUT I did discover, and they made me many Hugo Spritz’s, my cocktail choice for the summer. Delish! | Fun to spend one-on-one time with each of my kids, even (or especially) when it’s unexpected. | Shows with the ladies at the Bruce County Playhouse are always fun. | I bought myself an iPad, I’m grateful for Scene points! | The deposit was made for a trip to Tuscany (with Claire) next April. | The building permit for the exterior of the house finally came in early July. | Friends came over for an evening of palm reading which was full of surprises. (I need to listen to the recording.) | One day, I woke up to a feeling of overwhelming calm; it was welcome and lovely. Now I know how to get there! | Eastlink has messed with my entertainment! No more Hallmark channel. How can I live on a Hallmark set (not really, but really) and not have the movies? When is Rogers going to come up North? | So much good music is now part of my playlists on Spotify. | Heyday’s has some great food, but their deconstructed Key Lime pie is kryptonite for this non-sweets person. | Lobsterfest was fabulous and I’m grateful for those who stepped in since there was NO WAY to have it here as hoped. No lights? No meals. | Tubing down the Saugeen River was one hell of an experience. Now I can say I’ve done it - box checked. | Strawberries from Hi-Berry are the absolute best, sweet and juicy. | My Shingrix shot knocked me for a loop. I was on the couch for two full days. | Got a Pulser2 machine to help with lymphatic drainage. | We ate A LOT of lobstah, chowdah, and fried clams during our visit to Cape Cod. | No internet while three of us need it to get work done. | I welcomed my 60th trip around the sun with my kids. 59 is the year I get my shit together and live the hell out of every minute of it. | Watching college football is always fun but with Prime as a coach? Crazy. | OraclePalooza was a blast. | Holiday plates from Crate and Barrel were back in stock. Now they’re in my cupboard. | To welcome autumn, the crock pot has been dusted off and recipes found - starting with chili.

And now we’re in Autumn, almost to the end! So far the season has brought, primarily, construction. The minute I think we’re close to some semblance of order, something else happens. All of the casings and sills have been removed from the inside of all the windows and stored in the garage. (It’s going to be a LONG time before I can park in there again.) Rains came in torrents and through the roof, ruining the entry ceiling and through the kitchen windows. It was insane! Rotted wood was discovered under the living room. Five layers of asphalt shingles were removed to find barn board rather than plywood. It’s exhausting, and disheartening, every damned day.

I wake up most mornings all gung-ho to deal with a project to purge or organize, but by the time I walk into the kitchen or great room I’m overwhelmed, and my early morning enthusiasm quickly disappears.

I raised my hand again and now I’m co-VP of our local CFUW group, and I offered to co-facilitate a “Rovers” group for local field trips, and as a result of a survey sent out to the membership, I’m hoping to tackle organizing interest groups in the new year.

All four of my kids showed me just how important Bill was to them by putting their full lives on hold to join me (and the dogs) to honour his wishes to be brought home to be put to rest in the Bellisle Bay. It brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat when I think of it. Bill will live large in their memories forever. To top it off, I’m grateful to my cousins for a chance to spend time with them and for Liz opening her home to me and my crew as we crashed her Thanksgiving feast. It was a whirlwind few days. I am blessed beyond measure. AND I returned to a blue house! I never realized how tense I would be upon arriving home, until I wasn’t. (I suppose being raised in a yellow house and getting divorced in a yellow house weighed heavily on my subconscious.)

I took a leap of faith and faced my fear of not being good enough by signing up with a famous American writing coach. I’m showing up with my daily stories and seem to be holding my own with an incredibly talented group of writers. And, I joined a local group for an intuitive journaling course, and I am learning some new things and reinforcing what I already know. It’s been fun.

Next?

PREP AND WRITE my 10th anniversary edition of Reflect & Manifest. I did this project a decade ago, right after my divorce was final. I’m using the same questions and template but expect that my responses and tone will prove different. I’m not the same woman I was back then. At any rate, it’ll be an enlightening experiment. Yes, it will likely be posted once completed.

DAILY STORIES rather than 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo. After talking it over with both my therapist and life coach, we’ve agreed that in order for me to get to the lovely elevated chick-lit stories I want to tell, I have to vomit up the bile of my past and put those stories out of my system and on paper. I have been blessed (?) with many larger-than-life characters - I certainly have plenty of material. How hard will it be?

LANDSCAPE PLANS for next year. It’s never-ending! The big machines destroyed most of my front gardens and it’s time to put a new plan together. Luckily, I was able to obtain the old plans for my stunning garden in Oakville from contractor, Cedar Springs. It hadn’t even had a chance to establish itself before I moved up here! The nice thing is that most of the decisions have already been made. I’m reluctant to reinvent the wheel - but I will change what I know didn’t work.

Autumn is such a beautiful time of year, especially up here. The cold brings spectacular sunrises and sunsets filled with intense colours, so much more striking than the summer versions. I hope to get out to capture more in the coming weeks.

Lesson (so far) from autumn to take with me: do things that scare you - and little progress is still progress.