HOLSTEE | Gratitude
I found a “gratitude symbol” that resonated with me, for years, I held it with me, in my heart, in my journal, on my back door with all of my notes, tickets, doodles, and school announcements. Then I finally found the nerve to have it tattooed on my left wrist - a direct line to my heart. It took me a long time and a lot of healing to get to the point where I knew that my understanding and practice of gratitude was missing in my life. With humility and acknowledgment, I live a rich practice of gratitude; I experience joy in every situation. It has been a gift.
This month, I was reminded by the teachings of Brother David Steindl-Rast, to strip it all back and find gratitude in the most simple of practices: breath. What are you grateful for in this moment?
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough.”
ICEBREAKERS
What are three luxuries or conveniences you take for granted?
Central air; WiFi; and consistent access to food and water. I could continue, but I think those are my top three conveniences. Luxuries (to me) are a different thing altogether.
What made you laugh or smile today?
It’s a rare day I get calls and texts from all four of my kids. Today was one of those days. Even though it is still a strange experience to realize that I continue to be a part of my kids’ lives - by their choice, it delights me that they like me enough to include me in their lives.
Context: My father was always held at arms-length with gold-engraved invitations (literal and figurative) to see him; he always had a majordomo protecting him, his time, and his privacy, be it a secretary or a wife. Access was and continues to be rigid and formal. I, for one, never felt part of his family. His family is the one he was born into, the sisters he called “dearie,”; we, my sisters and I, were always sacrificed to their requests, and demands for his time. My presence was an imposition. (Not going for sympathy, simply stating a fact.) I didn’t have a relationship with my mother after turning 18, and not much of one before that.
There is no road map to my being a parent to adult children, all of whom I like, and apparently like me! I am grateful to be a part of their lives.
What is something you’re looking forward to in the future?
So much! I can’t wait to see what my kids make of their lives; they’re all so spectacular in their own ways. I’m looking forward to putting my past behind me so that it no longer holds any charge, no negative energy to influence me going forward. I’m looking forward to writing stories I hold in my heart, to following Neil Gaiman’s brilliant words, “We writers – and especially writers for children, but all writers – have an obligation to our readers: it's the obligation to write true things, especially important when we are creating tales of people who do not exist in places that never were – to understand that truth is not in what happens but what it tells us about who we are. Fiction is the lie that tells the truth, after all.” I’m looking forward to spending time with my friends and their friends and families; I’m looking forward to travelling around the world, seeing things I can’t even imagine; I’m looking forward to renovating the exterior of my house, and fixing up the laundry and two bathrooms, too! I’m looking forward to reading countless books by talented authors. I’m looking forward to all that life has in store for me; I will continue to live the hell out of it until there’s no more life to live. I am blessed.
DEEPER QUESTIONS
What small recurring daily moment are you most grateful for?
Can you be grateful for a whiney dog? Tucker reminds me every morning that I’ve made it through to wake up to another brand new day filled with opportunities. I give him a good pet, then lean over to Finn, who is less talkative in the morning, and give him a good rub. It may sound silly, but I’m happy - grateful - for my morning mutt alarm.
What natural-born opportunities or privileges do you have?
I am an educated, white woman of means. I’m one step behind my white male counterparts on the privilege scale. Granted, it’s a steep step, but still, if you were to compare, I’m doing pretty well in this wildly dystopian time. Fortunately, I’m a strong, independent woman “who don’t need no man” for which I’m eternally grateful. (Note: I wanted only one man in my life, I had him for a time, but now he’s gone, and I’m back to who I was before, with more confidence and gratitude for the love he showed me.) I’m fully aware of the inner conflict of why and who is responsible for my largesse. I have witnessed several women in my “situation” (middle-aged and single) who must compromise to find someone to provide for them and their families. It disturbs me that they willingly and often enthusiastically participate in and normalize gaslighting, bullying, and generally conforming to the patriarchal approach to the world. To each their own. That is not my choice.
Who makes your life easier?
I am blessed to be surrounded by an abundance of help. My life is easier when my cleaner shows up on Thursday afternoons. The snow removal guy who clears my driveway - and the service that shows up in the summer to cut the lawn and maintain the garden. The girl who picks and delivers groceries to my truck. My therapist, chiropractor, RMT, and acupuncturist see me weekly. My writing coach, my life coach, my online physical trainer, and my energy coach. My mastermind group. My daily spiritual practice. My pet groomer and the woman who delivers the dogs’ raw food. The technician for the best CBD pedicures and stylist who cuts my unruly hair. My annual visit to MedCan, the endocrinologist, and OB/GYN. It takes a team to keep me put together! Remarkably there are still a few things missing, but as for services, these people make my life easier. As for non-services, I’m surrounded by my children, friends, friends who are family, and extended family, in-person, online, and via phone calls, daily texts, and emails. I live a full life and know it could have been so different. I’m grateful to everyone who makes my life richer for their presence in it.
I am truly lucky because …
With little exception, I live my life on my own terms. Shit has happened, truly bad crap, but I choose to look forward rather than dwell on what happened or how things were supposed to be. I am grateful every day for everything. The simple fact that I’m here to live it is enough.
What about you? How do you show up in your life with gratitude?