ANTICIPATION | Spring
Another great Lake Huron winter was survived! I have to admit I struggled this winter, not with the weather but with my own internal conditions. My health issues seem to be an ongoing theme. Once one concern is “fixed” another appears, or in this case, re-appears. I’m exhausted, truly tired to my bones; my thoughts are foggy and inarticulate, causing intense frustration; and, an inability to regulate my internal temperature - I’m always running HOT. Not in the least bit pleasant, I can assure you! Top that off with cellulitis that will not go away, the pain of edema, and the regular aches and pains of age and misuse, ah if I knew then …
The kids and I enjoyed our postponed-due-to-pandemic holiday in Jamaica. It’s a strange and wonderful experience to know you are doing something for the last time. As much as I will continue to travel, my kids are now constrained by the limits of vacation time afforded them by their employers rather than regular school breaks. I had a far greater appreciation for our time as a family, knowing that it was the end of a spectacular chapter in my life as a mother. Like all things, our roles are transitional and ever-changing. I will continue to travel; they are welcome to join any time. I’m simply not curating and organizing a logistics nightmare holiday scenario. What I do hope to continue is our many one-on-one trips, like when Claire recently joined me in Turks & Caicos for a week. So much fun!
I was keen to start 2023 by jumping into the deep end with plenty of courses and workshops lined up - and most importantly, finishing up the first draft of my novel. Instead, I managed small yet incremental victories in proportion to what my mind and body would allow. Further proof that we make plans and god laughs!
What did I do? I became more social and joined a book club and a dinner club as well as participating in an improv night at the local Legion Hall; focused on the dogs with a few 6-week single-protein experiments starting with salmon, then rabbit, now lamb; it seems to be working; I created my annual vision board; I turned my “Hello Monday” and “TGIF” Instagram posts into two gorgeous books from Pikto; the house was packed up to prepare for the upcoming renovations; many calls, facetime, texts, and visits from the kids; planned a year worth of dinners with girlfriends; Caden set up my new telescope (a gift from all four of them!); watched so many good shows; the exterior renovation plans were finalized; reviewed investments (so I can pay the renovation bill!); Monday night meditation and Wednesday night workshops with CBR; Spoutible has been a fun and uplifting replacement for toxic Twitter; both boys found new homes; my island countertop was brought back to life after months of waiting for the right product; new oracle cards are fabulous; addressed the PAPER PILES everywhere; renewed my passport; made plans to take Bill home over the Thanksgiving weekend; I can’t get in to see my endocrinologist until May; used points to get a new MacBook Pro and updated it with no tech support (aka, Caden); back to Turks & Caicos and actually had my room changed (thanks Erica); and, now I’m putting together a plan going forward.
Honestly? It looks like I got plenty accomplished though none of it was toward the completion of my shitty first draft, which leaves me disappointed in myself; though, I have to allow myself some grace. I did what I could with what energy I had.
MY SECOND SATURN RETURN started on March 8. This is a time when (traditionally) life-altering lessons are learned. My first return was in February 1994; had I known then what I know now, I would have paid attention, walked away, and said thank you very much to the energies that were busting their spiritual asses to protect me from my decisions and stubborn resistance to what was right in front of me. This time around, it’s a lot different; I’m open and curious about the lessons. I also enter this time knowing that I’ve survived every challenging and painful thing that’s ever happened to me. My world is in some semblance of order, and I’m now looking to find purpose and meaning in my life. So far, all I know is that I’m being given permission to be my authentic self, and I’m taking it! This cycle lasts through December, which is plenty of time to learn new life lessons and integrate all those other realities I know to be true but have rejected. Lots of exhaling and embracing coming up!
BIG PURGE of all things that no longer serve me, specifically clothes and food. As grateful as I am, one of the great lessons of my word MORE in 2022 is that I need less of what I don’t need or want to welcome more of what I do need and want into my life. I have a couple of closets filled with clothes (and shoes) I’ll “fit in again,” which we all know is a crock. They have to go. I have no sentimentality toward anything, so this should be a pretty easy (if cumbersome) project. I have a freezer full of foods I don’t necessarily like but had on hand due to the pandemic. With my new Hashimoto’s meets Mediterranean eating plan, I need far less prepared foods and far more lean protein and frozen berries.
EXTERIOR WORK on the house will be underway soon enough. Big changes are coming as my big yellow replica Victorian (built in 1986) will be converted to a gray/blue timber frame look. There have been a remarkable number of supply chain issues due to the pandemic, and I’m loathe to spend money on things that will be more reasonably priced in a few months. So, we waited. It’ll all get done in time. I have faith that I have a wonderful team who knows exactly my vision for my home - aesthetically and practically.
FOCUS ON HEALTHY CHOICES with consistency. Consistency = success. Essentially all I have to do is keep doing what I’m doing, but with more regularity. That includes: drinking 64oz water every day; taking all meds and supplements; walking 20-minutes + bouncing on the rebounder; eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day (does that sound weird? I’m lucky to get one meal consumed each day let alone two!); journaling; morning meditation; stretching on reformer and/or stairs; reading for at least 1 hour; nap for 45-minutes; legs-up-the-wall for the duration of a 20-minute iAwake meditation; writing for at least 1 hour; counting my blessings; and going to bed by 10PM, latest. These are my priorities, and I must behave like they are every single day.
I do not thrive in chaos, and Spring promises dumpsters, dust, noise, people and general commotion. I know when I look back at it all in December, I’ll know that it was all worth my discomfort. I can only hope for good weather so that all that needs to be done will get done with as few delays as possible. I’m not sure how much influence I have with the weather gods, but I hope there’s some!
Spring is when the earth reawakens, masculine energy enters the fray and I hope to take advantage of that sun energy with time outside taking walks and soaking in the light. I may have to move my favourite nap place from my porch (which will be torn down and replaced) to the back part of my yard behind the garage. I think it’ll be fun to become acquainted with my whole property over the next few months. The only part I’m NOT looking forward to is the puppy poop accumulated over the winter!
Lesson from winter to take with me: it’s okay to take time to heal; you can take a break. It’ll all be waiting for you!