BESTSELF™ ICEBEAKER | Self-Awareness 11

WHICH TEACHER HAD THE BIGGEST IMPACT ON YOU AND WHY? 

So many teachers from whom to choose! Traditional school teachers, friends, and family, to the many coaches and instructors in recent courses, my life has been filled with smart, brave, and inspiring women. (Not purposely leaving the men out, I simply had precious few male educators over the years.)

The person who has had the biggest impact on me is the woman who gave me permission to embrace who I am and show up authentically every day: Brené Brown.

A little over a decade ago, by way of a smart and sassy online friend, I picked up a copy of “The Gifts of Imperfection” (2010) and cried my way through it. At the time, I was completely untethered, at the nadir of my existence, in the middle of an existential crisis, barely hanging on knowing I had to stay strong for my children who were depending on me. The book was a desperately needed life raft. I still have my original copy (and have given out dozens over the years) and it is highlighted and completely marked up with notes and exclamation points.

Some of my favourites:

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness, and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed, and rare.”

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”

“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”

“The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It's our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.”

“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”

“To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude, and grace.”

“Healthy striving is self-focused: "How can I improve?" Perfectionism is other-focused: "What will they think?”

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”

“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”

“Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.”

And then there is this, the one that rung my bell and started me on the journey of changing my life and how I show up in it:

“Worthiness doesn't have prerequisites.”

I learned throughout the book that joy can only be found when you start with gratitude. A gratitude mindset is hard if you’ve never been there before. A joy mindset is hard if you’ve never been there before, but wow, are they ever worth it. Honestly, every line in the book is quotable. If you haven’t read it yet, I encourage you to get a copy and absorb every word. Then get your hands on the rest of her books, watch her TED talks, listen to her podcast. Without her, I wouldn’t be who I am today and I will be forever grateful.

She signs off most of her posts with “Stay awkward, brave, and kind.” Gotta love a person like that!