BESTSELF™ ICEBREAKER | Courage 22
DESCRIBE A TIME OR SITUATION WHERE YOU FELT SCREWED OVER. WHAT HAPPENED, AND HOW DID YOU RESPOND?
A long time ago, in a land far away … I was married to a liar and a cheat.
By the time I came to my senses (thank you, Synthroid), I was multiple thousands of dollars in debt, facing possible jail time, with a credit rating that was literally non-existent. Not to get into the specifics of that sad and scary story, I was (fortunately) able to leverage my relationships with some important and influential people to help me pay off the debt and lawyer me out of prison. My credit rating improved with time. All of it improved with time.
How did I respond? I threw him out and allowed his bad choices to no longer be my bad choices by association. Mired in heart-stopping fear and overwhelm, I refused to allow his poor decisions to reflect badly on me as a person, my bank account, or on our children. I took the kids, sold the house, moved to a townhouse, took courses to become a better parent (life coach), and made a deal which enabled me to stay home until all four of my children graduated high school. They needed a full-time, hands-on parent. The situation was simply not about me, it was about us, and my job was to get all those who remained through it in as healthy and stable a manner as possible.
The divorce was final in November 2013, a little less than ten years ago. Life has changed a lot since then. With many life lessons learned, all four of my kids graduated high school; they collectively chose to change their last name to mine; I’ve written to 80% completion two shitty first drafts; we got one dog, then two, then three; I’ve embraced my pagan roots and practice the phases of the moon and the change of the seasons; they all graduated with at least one university degree (all exceeding my academic record); I moved and renovated; after choosing not to have a romantic relationship until they were all on their own, I rediscovered love and lived happily for a time, then we lost him in 2020; I sold my home in Oakville and bought another in Southampton where renovations continue; my youngest was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin Lymphoma (now in remission); I continue to invest in and spend quality time with friends which brings me much joy; I feed my curiosity and creativity every day; and, they can count on one hand how many engagements they’ve had with their father in the last decade. I responded to being screwed over by making a lovely life for myself. (Shit into sunshine, people! Always.)
(Note: I have never said anything to my children about their father. His own behaviour led to the relationship he now has with each of them. I had nothing to add.)