BESTSELF™ ICEBREAKER | Courage 09
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TOOK A LEAP OF FAITH AND FOUND OUT YOU COULD FLY?
True confession time: I am a painfully insecure introvert. Childhood trauma, adult trauma, yada yada, has me believing through to my DNA, that I am not welcome or wanted in most social situations.
This often leads me to experience some pretty violent physical reactions to things that come easily to others: walking into a room of strangers, joining in a gathering of friends, eating out or travelling alone. It’s a running joke that for an introvert that the best plans are cancelled plans. No joke for me.
I’ve done a few things throughout my life to force me to expose myself to my uncomfortable feelings in an effort to fix myself. I’ve experienced varying degrees of success. Some book clubs were a hit, some playgroups were a disaster, and so it went for the last 20+ years. I regularly organize and coordinate events that force me to get out of my own way and as often as I plan for events, I cancel or don’t follow through. Fear of rejection is a terrible burden to carry with you every day.
My preferred existence includes being at home, comfortably ensconced on my couch, with a hot tea, soft blanket, dogs curled at my feet, and book in hand with music playing in the background. I continue to challenge myself to get out of my comfort zone and I admit that even with much effort it doesn’t get easier - I just vomit less. Through the duration of the pandemic, this fear has been amplified by the forced confinement and it’s my plan going forward to regularly walk into a room of strangers, join in gatherings with friends, continue to eat out and travel alone. I’m out of practice!
I’ve learned that facing your fear does not make it go away, you simply learn how to manage how it affects you and move through it. It’s never the same journey and different lessons are learned each time through.
I flew before, I know I can fly again.
My next fear-facing venture:
Recently, I moved from my home of more than a couple of decades to a beautiful tourist town where I know a handful of people and though I have yet to meet my immediate neighbours, I feel comfortable, welcomed and happy with this choice. I have a hope that I will curate a small, kind, and supportive group of women who, like me, enjoy living in the flow of the Wheel of the Year, embrace the phases of the moon, and want, indeed crave, elevated conversations. Maybe a couple will like taking photos? Or write? Or just drink wine and laugh. I think it’s important to be part of a community and I will face my fear in order to build one.