I have a temper. That, combined with insatiable curiosity (and a dash of insecurity) can make for a combustible combination. These days it’s rare that I get angry and as one with a temper, I prefer to think of my expression of anger as a healthy thing rather than a “bad” thing. (Thank goodness for Dr. Gabor Maté and all of the recordings I’ve been exposed to lately.) That said, I did something stupid.
I am feeling tremendous remorse over actions that were self-destructive as I knew that what I would find would hurt my feelings – and it was crushing and without context. That’s always the way and I should know better! After all, I embrace and trust my instincts – they’re right almost 100% of the time. Instead, I gave into my curiosity (and that dash of insecurity) with fervent hope that my instincts were wrong. Why go looking for proof? Not only did I hurt myself but I violated the trust of someone I love deeply while doing it.
I am angry. Angry at myself and at the situation that triggered my temper.
I wish I had acted differently.