While packing up the house, I found on a corkboard (one I often walk by but rarely look at – aka, life is filled with good intentions) a list of goals I wrote a lifetime ago, in April 2014 when I was freshly divorced and scared out of my wits as a single mum raising four energetic, smart and challenging teens. At the time, they were 14, 15, 17 and 18. It was a lot. I wrote out a list of goals: 6-months, 1-year, 5-years and 10-years. It’s interesting to me to reflect on what I was focused on at almost-50.
Now that I’m a freshly widowed (what is the proper term when the love of your life/fiancé/Anam Cara dies?) confident and adjusting mum who has raised four energetic, smart and challenging young adults and welcomed even more. Now, mine are 20, 21, 23 and 24.
I definitely went off-track when it came to my goals! I clearly underestimated how much focus it would take to raise my kids and learn everything I wanted to learn before I could* do all the things I wanted to do. I couldn’t have anticipated how I fell in love with some things (Oracle School (thank you Colette Baron Reid) and the accompanying woo) and out of love with others (I’m not a painter or a technical photographer or so many other creative things).
Certainly, over the last year and now with COVID-19, life is not what I thought it would be. The refrain in my head for the last month or so has been, “if you do what you did, you’ll get what you got,” so I’m focused on switching things up. I don’t want to go backward or stagnate in a life I’ve outgrown. Now is the time to take stock and re-evaluate what I want to keep and/or invite into my life now that it has been completely turned upside-down.
What better time to shake off the stuck energy and my profound sadness than by welcoming a few positive and uplifting changes? Well, new changes that I can only hope will be positive and uplifting …
I’ll start with my 6-Month Goals, that will take me through April 2021:
- Continue my daily practice of taking meds, meditation, oracle card pull, morning pages, VoxxLife patches, ASEA drink and Restore28 gel, and 8+ hours of sleep.
- Daily use of my reformer Pilates machine and my Crossrope/trampoline. As well as a 20-minute minimum walk of the dogs. My focus is to be strong and flexible. At this point? Fuck the weight.
- The house in Oakville will be sold, and I will have relocated to the Bruce Peninsula.
- Renovations of the new house will be completed and ready for me to move in.
- My memorial for Bill in New Brunswick will be designed, and the installation plans underway. I will also endeavour to find a place to call home in New Brunswick so that I, too, can visit him and feel closer to his favourite place on earth.
- I will learn how to use Instagram properly for my own interest and pleasure, using my Moment lenses on my iPhone for more fun photos.
- I’ll start a monthly book club, writing club or woo or moon phases club – something social and feminine-based in my new home.
- Every Sunday at 5:17 PM, I will take a moment to think of Bill and tell him I love him (in addition to all of the other times I think of him and talk to him every day).
- For at least 30 minutes every day, I will write toward the completion of my novel.
- I will stop drinking alcohol – in all forms. (After watching the love of my life die of liver disease – his brought on by complications due to HepC – I would NEVER want to suffer the same.)
After this? I will continue the exercise outlining my new 1-year, 5-year and 10-year goals. Who knows, maybe I’ll check it again and possibly revise before another 6-years goes by – though it’s nice to know my personal goal of flexibility was exercised even though I didn’t even notice!
*Note: I could always do those things, but I tend to over-research and over-plan everything. I always feel I need to be qualified when, in fact, no qualifications are required.