I am always working on something. I’m like an ongoing personal renovation project – inside and out. As part of my journey to adulthood – you know, accountability and responsibility and all that good stuff – I’ve read many “self help” guides and books. How to make a habit. How to break a habit. Practices to put in place. Practices to abandon.
One expert who has regularly inspired me is Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project fame. She wrote an article which has stuck with me (don’t you love it when you’re pushed to think of things that are outside your comfort zone?) reminding me of the simple yet profound secrets of adulthood we experience.
PAY CAREFUL ATTENTION TO ANYTHING YOU TRY TO HIDE.
This is where I have been for the last few months. I have never been one to tolerate secrets or deliberate lies of omission, or lies period. Though, I’ve been really good at self-sabotage, the lies I tell myself that keep me from growing, keep me from realizing my full potential. In spite of my Eight Auspicious Symbols, especially living a life of authenticity, honesty and transparency, often I have not been very kind to myself.
Life would be easy if we only had to change the bad behaviours that are obvious. I believe I’ve addressed all of those – some are gone, some stayed because I chose to keep them. Now it’s time for more heavy lifting. Heart lifting.
What am I hiding?
I fill my life with distraction rather than execution.
I use my position as sole parent to four teenagers as an excuse. Indeed, sometimes they really are the reason for things not getting done around here because they are my primary focus, but too often I use them as an excuse for not moving forward.
How? I am always:
Researching some more.
Learning ancillary skills.
Perfecting old lessons.
In essence: I spin. Or turtle. It depends on the situation – and the players involved. I have had “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up” on repeat in my head for so long, years. The reality is, I do know what I want to be, I do know how to get there, I do have the tools and the skill. I just could not seem to get out of the spin: self-sabotage, not-worthy, fear-of-failing-myself-and-my-children rut I’ve dug for myself.
I’m an all-in kind of person. Because of that, I’ve been afraid if I go all-in my kids will suffer. I’ll not notice when there is a subtle shift in energy – in their lives – and things will go off track without my noticing until it’s too late. I’ve seen it with others that things can go off the rails so quickly! Even when you are paying attention 24/7, imagine when you’re busy doing other things!
So, there it is. I’m hiding my fear of executing the future of my soul.
I launched this site.
I finally came to the realization that I have great kids. I’ve raised them well – as a unit, a team, a family. We are all fully invested in the success of each member. I do them no good by delaying my goals and dreams “just in case” they need me. If they need me, they’ll tell me – or show me. I will be there for them. They know they are my priority and I know they are my priority.
Now it’s time to do what I know how to do. This is a formula I know:
Face my life.
Own my choices.
Get real about what I want.
Get clear on how to get it.
SHOW UP for my life!
If I can do it – you can do it, too.
So, tell me, what are YOU trying to hide?