Such a simple question, but not. The question is not what about a favourite activity or idea or news article or other external stimulus – it is far more personal. Specifically about how I felt about one thing or another – a favourite something. If you’re like me, I don’t spend a lot of time focusing much on how something makes me feel, or even identifying what that feeling might be or how I got there with any specific attention. I am working, cleaning, parenting, developing, planning, reacting, attending, avoiding, reading, listening but rarely notice the feeling. And yet …
What was your favourite feeling this week?
I contemplated the question. Then I contemplated my week. I combined the two with my core desired feelings in heart and mind and let it sit for a while. After a glass of wine and a bit of quiet, it occurred to me that I was making things too complicated, I was still stuck in my head.
I sat longer, with another glass of wine. I was able to manage to whittle it down. My feelings this week ran the gamut:
PRIDE | listening to Cole sing in the Senior Two “Festival of Lessons & Carols” chapel service. Witnessing his joy brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.
BLESSED | Claire stayed home so I had all four of my kids home – encouraging each other.
ENGAGEMENT | with a group of super smart people who pushed me out of my comfort zone on a topic that makes me highly uncomfortable. The whole focus of the conversation was intimidating.
INTIMIDATED | meeting with a group of super smart people who pushed me out of my comfort zone on a topic that makes me highly uncomfortable.
SILLY | sitting at lunch with my sister at a lovely French bistro in Toronto and talking – for hours!
RESIGNED | pigs and grunts – when people show you who they are, believe them. It has nothing to do with me.
HOPE | when my real estate agent held an agent open house – food and booze included – to encourage interest in selling the townhouse.
ANXIETY | building a business that is 100% dependent on client participation makes me nervous!
CONNECTED | an out-of-the-blue call from a woman met through a virtual course – we have so much in common! I love how friendships can be fostered in person as well as on line.
ADMIRATION | sitting with my niece while she showed me her passion come to life.
COMPASSION | when my sister had tears of long-held frustration running down her face.
FRUSTRATION | which is a normal reaction to the lack of action by my 14 year old. Now, this is my fourth round (in 4 years) of having a 14 year old and still the frustration – and lack of action – remains!
LOVE | my kids are wonderful – I love our connection and communication. We are FEARLESS and OPEN in our communication with each other.
STUPID | missed a naturopath appointment – no reminder, no idea – and got charged for it. Ugh.
SURPRISE | an unexpected electric shock went through me reminding me that interaction with a intelligent good looking man is not yet out of the realm of possibility. Or, at least I hope that’s the case!
ANTICIPATION | university applications have been sent out. Now? Wait.
FESTIVE | the Christmas tree was purchased, put up and decorated! I love all of the new ornaments.
ACCOMPLISHED | all holiday decor was purged: kept, donated and tossed.
SAD | I realize I cannot fix all that upsets my kids. There are lessons in everything – the good and the bad. My personal mantra: this too shall pass.
SYNCHRONICITY | choosing outfits for the annual family Christmas party and laughing about the restrictions imposed in parties past.
HAPPY | a new bed. By the end of next week I will get a full night sleep in a real bed!
My favourite feeling this week? CALM. Beyond anything of this week was the reminder that I cannot control anything but myself and my choices. Once I surrendered the ridiculous idea that I cannot determine the outcome of any situation my life became far more manageable. This week, every time I was aware and became tense and anxious I leaned into the knowledge that I could only control my reactions. I woke up each day remembering my set point, my core desired feelings: TRUST, CONNECT, EXPANSIVE, ALLOW and GRACE. Each of those goals were realized and lead to my feeling of peace and calm. Though this week, like every week, was filled with many moving parts, it was a good week.