HOLSTEE | Passion
Passion, the theme I am most intimidated by, was the focus for August. I’m uncomfortable with the idea of being vulnerable as it challenges all that I was raised to believe and amplifies what I have not yet exorcised. I find, now that I don’t have the (welcome) distraction of making a home and the daily raising of children, I’m faced with a lot of those wrong-headed fear-based stories. I’m constantly learning who I want to be, regularly course-correcting from what I was taught (be who we want you to be, not who you are) and the life I want to live, which is neither shameful nor selfish.
The most challenging part of the workbook was the one thing that regularly blocked my progress. It’s a simple yet impossible question: what is my why? For years I’ve tried to come up with my purpose on this earth. Raising four decent humans? Listening to stories and supporting/helping friends? Reading and researching what interests me? Taking endless courses in life coaching, real estate, writing, metaphysical and energy work? What drives me? Certainly, my focus is more on intrinsic values - growth, connection, service; rather than extrinsic values - money, fame, appearance; but how do I turn that foundational belief system into my purpose?
We were invited to participate in a 30-Day Challenge which I’m still working on, and again it has been a great addition to my month. Each day I recorded the answer to “Today, I felt most alive when …” in order to be more aware of those things throughout my days that light me up.
“Do whatever brings you to life ... follow your own fascinations, obsessions, and compulsions.
Trust them.
Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart.”
ICEBREAKERS
If you could learn any new skill, what would it be?
The one thing I learned throughout the pandemic was that everyone needs to have a few practical skills in their back pocket! Mine would be learning how to cut hair. Or maybe groom my dogs. And, possibly, learn how to fish. I’ve also considered learning a new language - French? Spanish? Maybe pick up one of our guitars gathering dust?
What is one thing on your bucket list?
Pure silliness, there’s plenty on my list! At the top: I want to be able to easily get up off the floor - with balance, strength and grace. I’d like to lose 50-60 pounds which will not only help me get off the floor but will allow me to go zip-lining, the only “scary” adventure-type thing on my list. Less weight will also allow me to get into challenging positions to take photos from interesting perspectives. I want to outline, write, and publish a novel. I want to have no pain in my hips. I’d like to walk 2km daily with the dogs, rain or shine. I want to take a cruise to Greenland, Iceland, Faroe and Shetland Islands. I want to advocate for and make sure potable water is readily available to everyone everywhere in this country - particularly indigenous communities. I want the Mexico retreat centre to be wildly successful. I want to take many trips with my friends - close to home and far away. I want to update my house to be exactly what I want it to be, inside and out. I want to hire a full-time cook. I want to build a safe place and community for women to gather, support, and learn from each other.
What do you want to get better at?
I want to be more consistent with my daily meditation and journaling practice. I want to walk more and not be so resistant to the relief provided by painkillers. I want to read more good fiction faster - too many books, too little time! I want to release my fear and search for the “perfect” story and simply start writing. I want to continue therapy and be better at tapping into the feelings about old, scary stories that continue to inform my choices and how I live my days.
DEEPER QUESTIONS
When do you feel most alive?
When I wake up every morning, grateful for another day on this side of the dirt. Every time I sit outside on the porch of my house, enjoying a cool breeze while reading a book or napping. When I’m singing at the top of my lungs while dancing in my kitchen or to the radio in my truck. Hanging out with my dogs. At lunch or drinks with my girlfriends. Every time my kids are home and I can hear them all playing cut-throat Catan. When I’ve helped, truly assisted someone with something difficult.
What would you do or try to do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Write the damned book.
What social issues fire you up?
As mentioned above, water. I’m horrified that, especially in our indigenous communities, potable water is not available. I’ve written and called our local, provincial and federal government representatives and regularly get the runaround. That said, I also don’t want to be the “white saviour lady” who “fixes” things. It’s a weird time. In the meantime, I give to organizations when asked and hope to spend some time in our local indigenous community in the next few months to see what there is for me to do.
Are our passions part of our identities? Are our passions who we are?
I believe my passions inform part of who I am. They provide me with my direction going forward. I have quite a few irons in several fires, though without any particular sense of purpose or singular direction. It’s infuriating, really.
What about you? Do you live your passions, do they define you?