BESTSELF™ ICEBREAKER | Self-Awareness 13
IN WHAT WAYS ARE YOU LIKE YOUR PARENTS?
I truly hate the idea that I’m even remotely like my parents but the fact remains that I do have some of their good and bad qualities.
I’m creative like my mother who enjoyed crafts and photography. Also like her, when I’m dealing with big emotions (positive and negative) my automatic response is to shut down. I’ve made a superhuman effort to change that behaviour as it serves no one, me least of all. Unlike her, I give credit to those who did the work, I encourage and support my peers, even and especially those who appear to be more successful than me. I’m not envious of what others have that I may want - jealousy is not a motivator for my actions. I’m not spiteful or cruel when endless whining, complaining and blaming doesn’t work to manipulate situations in my favour. I’m not a scorekeeper. I am not a malicious gossip. I’m not a liar or gaslighter. I have only one face for public and private. I am consistent. My children have no doubt about my love for them and that it is completely unconditional.
I’m kind and generous like my father who knows the importance of giving back and taking care of his family. I’m also a voracious reader, though the content couldn’t be more different. Again, like him, I do not like to be interrupted when I’m focused on a task or thought and I do not like being corrected - especially when the person doing the correcting is actually wrong. I rarely speak unless I’m sure I’m correct. Unlike him, I am not afraid to say no even if it makes my life more challenging, I do not choose the route of least resistance, and I don’t concede to the bully, especially if it makes the lives of those I love unreasonably difficult. I walk my talk even if it makes me and maybe others uncomfortable. I don’t create an environment where those I love feel insecure or like they’re a disappointment. I allow my children their own choices, unless asked, I keep my opinions to myself, and help pick up the pieces or cheer wildly depending on the outcome: failure IS an option.
I’ve consciously made an effort to reject what I believe to be their flaws. When you know better, do better, right? I am fully aware that they were products of their time and many of their behaviours were a natural result. They passed those lessons down to me and I have rejected outright many of them. Some are ingrained and I’m doing my best to mitigate any of the damage that can be caused by my allowing myself to be lazy and act out. I make every effort for their blunders to not be my burdens - or my children’s. I’ve done what I can to change the ancestral course, or as my cousin calls it, “genetic gifts”. There are many!
“Never underestimate a cycle breaker. Not only did they experience years of generational trauma, but they stood in the face of the trauma and fought to say “This ends with me.” This is brave. This is powerful. This comes at a significant cost. Never underestimate a cycle breaker. ”
My healing continues. I have no doubt I’ve not been all that my children have needed of me all of the time, I simply did the best I could, always. I honestly cannot say that my parents did the same. At least the one who is still alive is doing his level best to make up for the mistakes he recognizes, I am grateful for his effort.