BESTSELF™ ICEBREAKER | Exposed 09
HOW HAS INACTION IMPACTED YOUR LIFE NEGATIVELY?
I'm going to approach this answer literally: inaction, as in lack of movement, has significantly impacted my weight and my ability to be flexible and comfortable in my own skin.
It’s a running joke that every time my life circumstance appears to give me what I need to care for myself (time, instructor, finances, equipment, program, motivation) the universe sees fit to send me some affliction that prevents me from moving. Pure, unquestionable, sabotage. It started when my kids were 6, 5, 3 and 2 and we were living in River Oaks. I had a fabulous babysitter and could easily have joined a gym. What happened? Life.
After years of roadblocks: moves, chronic and undiagnosed ailments, rep sports, accidents, divorce, travel, surgery/recovery, caring for others, deaths - I finally thought I’d gotten to a place where my health would be my priority. I moved to a quiet little town, renovated my home (with more to come to make it exactly how I want it), signed up for Noom, bought a Pilates reformer machine, rebounder and weighted skipping ropes, the stress and grief of the last few years were steadily moving into my rearview mirror. I was able to slow down and breathe.
Then bam, the usual (yet still unexpected) arrival of a physical detour in the form of plantar fasciitis combined with an excruciatingly painful flare-up of psoriasis on my arms and hands. This time, I won’t be deterred. In combination with CBD products and Noom, I’m determined to use my Pilates reformer machine every day and two half-hour sessions a week with Jackie who will, no doubt, whip me into shape. My job is to stretch daily and get my hips to move - remind my muscles and joints of their purpose. Jackie’s job is to make me work hard. It’s really not about the weight but flexibility - how to better manage the weight I have. If it stays, I’m fine. If it goes, I’m fine. I want to live a good long time regardless.
Some people are mean and I know it comes from their own insecurities or experiences but when one of the mums at the kids’ school looked me up and down, finger extended, claiming in an accusatory tone “you know you can do something about that!” I didn’t know what to say. I’d never been confronted over my weight. The disdain and distaste were foreign to me. I’m still me under the layers of fat. Honestly, most days I still feel like the 23-year-old who was supplementing her income by taking modelling assignments! Her rude behaviour combined with her status at the school gave others the permission they needed to be equally, or often more, rude.
I had a husband who regularly complained about my weight - though he was at least 100 pounds heavier than I ever was. Lucky for me, my late partner didn’t see my weight as an issue, or a reflection on him or a lack in my character. He loved all of me and erased (almost) all of the negative thoughts I had regularly running through my head. My weight had become my armour and with Bill, I didn’t need it anymore. And, even with him gone, he taught me that I don’t need the armour now.
Personally, my inaction has left me unable to do certain things especially impacting my ability to take photos. I can’t get into certain spaces or climb to get the shot or quickly fall to the ground. It is incredibly frustrating. It does affect other aspects of my life, I’m a bit slower than I’d like but I don’t feel that my life is missing something - other than the photos. That’s why my focus is more on flexibility than weight - though it is the weight that led to the inflexibility in the first place! Losing any would be a happy bi-product. Fingers crossed!