I have been whining.
Yes. Whining. For years about my weight and my health.
Truly, I just want to feel good. Whether that’s a size 24 (current) or 14 (ideal), I simply want to feel good.
I want to feel good in spite of my thyroid disease, asthma and hips that bore four kids in less than five years. I want to feel good in spite of my not being able to absorb nutrients and medications. I want to feel good in spite of living in a town that shuns any woman in a double digit size.
In spite of it all, I know my body is a miracle. It has withstood a lot of damage and repair; a lot of illness and activity; a lot of shame and joy. I have earned every stretch mark, pound, gray hair and ache.
The advantage of being heavy? No wrinkles – yet.
Currently I’m with a Naturopathic Doctor in whom I have a great deal of faith for no other reason than I just do – and the Tarot lady in Tucson said she was the one to fix me up! I have to admit, I do feel better since being with Dr. Carolyn. I’m still taking oodles of supplements but I don’t feel like I’m being scammed as I have in the last three places I’ve been. It’s not a money grab, it’s a compassionate and knowledgeable desire to have patients live full and healthy lives. There is a difference. I still have expensive urine, but at least it’s working.
Now that I’m feeling a bit better, I sent a note to a friend of mine who is a personal trainer. I know myself well enough that I’ll make an appointment and keep it before looking up from my desk, recognize that it’s beautiful walking weather – and then get up and out to walk. Self-motivation for fitness has never been my thing as most of my activities have been more social: tennis, golf, walking. I need someone to get me off my (ample) ass and encourage me. If it can be someone I already know and like, all the better!
Though I am not a fan of gyms, I have been told only fabulous things about OrangeTheory Fitness. I’ve done the research and the program really appeals to me. Over the last 10+ years, I’ve been to everything from Curves to the Y to the Pilates studio and nothing has stuck – because even with dedicated attendance there were no tangible results. I’m all signed up to attend this new gym and will do the 8 1-hour classes a month. We’ll see how it goes. If I feel better, I’ll stay. If not, well, I still have the treadclimber in the basement!
This is a summer experiment. A project. One season. One full quarter. 13 weeks. 95 days.
The last day of school routine and my getting children to-and-from activities is June 19. My new program will start on SUNDAY, JUNE 21 and run through WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23. I’ve turned businesses around in less time!
- Monday + Thursday = OrangeTheory
- Tuesday + Saturday = Personal Trainer
- Wednesday = Yoga Flow
- Friday = Kundalini Meditation
- Sunday = Restorative Yoga
- Eat well
- Take all meds and supplements
- Drink 2L of water
- Get 8+ hours of sleep each night
I think it’s time to incorporate and deepen my daily-ish exercise practice so it becomes more of a meditative practice; a doorway to healing and part of my continuing spiritual transformation. Face it with more intention and less fear. Fear? Yes, if it doesn’t work then there is truly nothing left to try.
Wish me luck! In three short months I hope to enjoy a round of autumn golf and maybe a game or two of tennis.
The title of this post is “One FINAL Push” and that’s exactly what this effort will be. I’ve spent the last 15 years doing everything in my power to get back to an acceptable-to-me state of healthy. I’m tired of it. I can focus that energy some place else that doesn’t thwart my every effort. So this is my last attempt. No more whining! I want to allow myself the opportunity to withdraw from piling on with everyone else pointing at the fat lady knowing I’ve done all I can for it to not be the case.
I want to live the rest of my life with the self-compassion that comes with acceptance and grace.