WHAT FAILURE DO YOU FEEL EMBARRASSED TO TALK ABOUT?
I don’t know that there’s much embarrassment in failure. I know I used to feel that way, but really the harder I fail the more I learn. I’ve come to terms with most of my failures. And failures that weren’t mine in the first place.
There was a time I would own the shameful behaviour of others as though I was the cause or deserved to be the recipient. I’ve learned silence only strengthens and supports the bully.
One uncomfortable situation remains. I failed my children in my choice of father for them. Am I embarrassed? Not exactly. He was the one who did the embarrassing.
My children are now adults and after a lot of hard work they have come to terms with the reality that his chosen absence has nothing to do with them. No court or ex-wife told him to stay away, he chose to abandon his role as parent. His kids are fully aware of his shortcomings, they’ve lived with all of them.
What makes me sad and uncomfortable is when his peers, other adults who knew him will refer to him (his character, his choices) in adult language to my kids. (Sure my children are adults now but they remember him in terms of children.) It’s also clear that he has been the topic of many dinner table – or likely rink – conversations over the years and the children of those peers are aware of inappropriate and hurtful stories we have never heard or experienced.
Even after a decade, there is no empathy for my kids, there is ridicule and shame hoisted on them. Many of the people who know their father wallow in their judgment and superiority, grateful they live such superior lives.
Am I embarrassed? No. Did I fail? Yes.
I enjoy answering tough questions if for no other reason to challenge myself to dig deep and tap into what I know to be true to my core, for me, no bullshit; and, I want to encourage others to show up and answer their own tough questions. In the midst of packing and moving in mid-October 2020, I got an email from BestSelf™ about an ICEBREAKER “Deeper Talk” deck. A deck? Hello? I’m IN! This deck contains 150 questions split across 6 different categories: Beliefs, Courage, Dreams, Exposed, Life Lessons and Self-Awareness. How tough can it be? We’re about to find out. 150 weeks of answers. (I’m so much better with giving the answers than asking the questions.) I do hope you share your answers with me! #letshaveaconversation #deepertalkdeck
“THE ART OF CONVERSATION IS THE ART OF HEARING AS WELL AS OF BEING HEARD.” – William Hazlitt