Winter is looking to be a tough go, at least in terms of COVID-19 and the continued impact on how we are accustomed to living our lives. Two things I’ve come to terms with: we are not ever going to go back to what was once considered “normal” and that is not a bad thing; and, we have to take personal responsibility for ourselves and our conduct, it can’t be regulated. You are either a part of the social contract or you are not: no fine or threat of shame will influence anyone.
It turns out that my buying a condo in Toronto in late 2019 was a stroke of brilliance with two of my kids: Claire and Caden, now living in it. While she waits for in-person learning to start again, Claire works downtown and most days can walk to work; Caden continues his studies at UofT, albeit online and keeps his life full with his studies and gaming online with friends from around the world. It was a tough decision, but Chloé went back to Edinburgh for her final year and once her dissertation is complete she will have earned her Masters in History. She is applying to schools in the UK and Canada for her degree in Global Affairs over the next couple of months. Cole graduated from UofT and is excelling in his Content Strategy courses at Humber where his professors have encouraged him to continue his academic career and get his Masters in something I don’t understand, so he too will be applying to schools over the next while. In the meantime, he is moving up to Southampton to a sweet coach house above the garage a few feet away from the Big Yellow House that I’ve purchased. Most of autumn was spent shutting down Seanchai Media Group and The Legacy Tour; managing all of the paperwork involved – ugh; dealing with Bill’s affairs; purchasing a house; selling a house; purging, sorting and packing; planning a memorial; suffering a gall bladder attack which resulted in discovering a flush that worked – no surgery required; enjoying coaching and Mastermind calls which push me to show up as the most authentic version of myself as possible.
This, my third year in my Mastermind kept me focused on how I will best show up for this next chapter in my life. Losing Bill in August left me bereft and I was blessed to have my group of magical manifestors to keep me from spinning into all-encompassing grief. I showed up for Zoom calls and (often reluctantly) participated when called upon and dug deep into staying open to beautiful new experiences and relationships. My first year had me asking “how does it get any better than this?” and last year had me thinking “dare for more”. This year has me realizing that I can truly do anything – I am more confident than I’ve been in a long time. Every day I remember/discover a gift Bill gave me and I’m grateful to my Mastermind experience that I am able to recognize those gifts for the magic they hold. They will allow me to live a love-filled life going forward.
This is what’s coming up for me this winter:
- Morning Routine. I want to wake early, feed the dogs, enjoy my breakfast, pull a daily oracle card, meditate for at least 20 minutes and write my morning pages. Once that’s finished, I’ll take the dogs for a walk to get the mail – about a kilometre from the new house. Once back home I’ll settle in for whatever the day reveals.
- The Novel. I was pulled off track last year with my attention focused on building the new business, then caring for Bill when he got sick, then dealing with the fallout when he died. In order to write the novel, I need to prioritize it so I shall focus and finish the shitty first draft.
- Move + Renovations. There’s a lot to tackle in a home that was built in 1985. I’ve never had a kitchen that was designed by me, for me, until now. All of the appliances and materials have been chosen. The details and design flow determined. I’m beyond excited! That’s the big project, after that, all of the floors are being ripped up and replaced, all of my books are going to have a home in endless built-in bookshelves, all of the wall sconces are being replaced with pot lights, and all storage and utility spaces will be updated and more functional. I’m looking to move 6,000 square feet into half that space. I’ve surprised myself and willingly given up some things I never thought I would part with – but really, they’re just “things” and some just no longer fit into the life I want for myself.
- Reformer Pilates. With the inconsistent restrictions imposed by the provincial government over the last few months, I’ve decided to purchase my own reformer Pilates machine. It’ll be delivered directly to the new house. Jackie has been my personal trainer for years and will continue to be – via Zoom. Combine this with my new skipping ropes and trampoline – way easier on the knees – and I will be strong, balanced and flexible enough to play golf and/or tennis this summer. I’m grateful for super high ceilings in the new utility room/gym.
- Hot Tub. My kids really want one. I suppose it won’t be so bad if it’s just a few of us using it. I hate the ‘germ frappe’ of public hot tubs. Eww. But on snowy nights? Kinda hard to resist.
- Flow. In nature and natural time. I am going to be more mindful of the cycles of the moon, and the Sabbats, by encouraging and hosting women’s circles. I want to invite back into my practice, and share with others, the celebration of nature and the rhythm of time.
- Less. I don’t need an overstuffed house ever again. I fact, I don’t really need to buy anything but consumables. I will require regular reminding!
- MasterClass. I have been a subscriber for a while and haven’t really moved past the Gordon Ramsey cooking classes. I want to dedicate some time and learn from the true masters.
- Podcasts. I have oodles of them downloaded but seem to not be able to shut out the world and focus on them.
- Transcribe. Bill left filled pads of paper and journals; pages upon pages, thousands of them, all handwritten with thoughts, stories and memories. I want to spend some time each day transcribing, tagging and categorizing. Will they become anything? Maybe. Who knows. I can’t let them collect dust. The words are simply too beautiful.
- Read. I need to turn off the computer and the television and pick up one of the many unread novels taking up space in my Kindle. You can’t write if you don’t read and I need to read more – fiction!
- Sobriety. I am on a quest to complete 100 days of no drinking. I started in November after my gall bladder attack. So far, so good. But it’s easy at home with no pressure. Reality will be the test.
I believe we’re in for a bumpy ride in 2021 at least for most of the first half. I believe this time is an invitation to stake a claim, to make a commitment to a decision or embrace a core shift of some sort. My answer to that invitation is simple: move away from my comfort zone (literally and figuratively) to make the most of this opportunity, after all, my normal never existed where I’m going.
It’s time to find a new life and live it to its fullest. This is a dawn of a new era – for me, for all of us.
