LIST 20 | List the ways you are different now than you were in the past.
What isn’t different right now given our current Covid-19 shared circumstance? I’ll try to answer without that being my focus.
I’m in a regular state of moving forward, for most of my adult (post-children, certainly post-divorce life) my mantra has been “onward”. I’m curious about many things and am a voracious reader. I am riddled with questions and regularly seek answers to simple as well as complex issues. I don’t know that I’m a slow learner, I just percolate for a while then *BAM* – I get it. How does all that show up as different now?
- I find I’m much more open to new ideas from more diverse and opposing sources than ever before.
- I am far more comfortable with finances, investing and understanding how the whole money thing works even as it dwindles. My portfolio is diverse with plenty of new ideas and no panic.
- I am less opinionated and judgmental. That said, I’m far more likely to say what’s on my mind than dismiss it out of hand as lacking in value.
- I’m more patient for some things that used to drive me bonkers and less for others that didn’t use to affect me in the least. Now I’m far more likely to show my impatience than swallow my frustration.
- I’ve gone from a “strong, independent woman who don’t need no man” to a “strong independent woman grateful to have him in my life”. Want is so much better than need. I opened up and let love in – it is terrifying and wonderful, simultaneously.
- I no longer need to take every course offered by every brilliant mind. I’ve become more discerning in both choices of instructor and the content I’m interested in. I also don’t need to re-learn things I already know – though I do need to expand my knowledge in the areas that interest me. It turns out that in a number of areas, I am the expert. Who knew?
- I am a believer in goddess culture and now that I am a card-carrying member, I have become ever more feminist as I balk against the patriarchy. How? Research and behaviour. I see how it happened and how I used to use it for my own benefit. Now I am doing my damnedest to fight our social system with my own privilege in every small way I can.
- I no longer think of naps as a sign of weakness or laziness, it is an important way to provide myself with much self-care as I care for another.
- I don’t read anywhere near as much fiction as I used to and I miss it.
- I would have just returned from my annual trip to Tucson, it doesn’t look like there’ll be much travel coming up anytime soon. Do you know something? I don’t miss air travel, at all. I’m looking forward to alternate plans and more local exploration, on the road.
- I am in deep trying to figure out how to run a sports and entertainment company in an atmosphere of physical distancing and fear. The different part is more the fact that I’m working full time after being retired full time only six months ago – not so much the trying-to-be creative part.
- I am allowing myself to be safe and supported in the space of not knowing. The reality is we never know, control is just an illusion. I’m clear on that now. (Thanks Covid-19 for the reminder.) All I can do is trust. What happens will happen, I will be fully present and feel all of it.
The only thing constant is change and I am grateful for the grace and opportunity to learn and grow toward becoming different from who I was “then”. I hope it will always be so.
